


Yours or Mine (This Body)

by fojee



Category: Korean Drama, Secret Garden (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 10:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14282604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fojee/pseuds/fojee
Summary: Oska is crazy, just like everyone else in his family. Han Tae Ssun is a master at leaving before he gets thrown out.And then a mysterious figure in the woods gives them something to drink...





	Yours or Mine (This Body)

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing this, I was just looking for laughs, and then angst crept in. (Sort of like the show.) This is also more telling that showing, because I just needed to get the words out.

Jeju Island. Oska is there to shoot his music video, ignore his ex, flirt with Gil Ra Im, and mess with his cousin. It's a full schedule.

Luckily, his ex is distracted by the threat of Gil Ra Im to her plans to date his cousin, and his stuntman does most of the hard work, which leaves Oska free to run around the island, stalking that mysterious kid with the smooth voice and the face of an angel.

The kid who keeps rejecting him, telling him, "You're the kind of guy who doesn't like to share the spotlight."

Han Tae Ssun.

He's in Jeju to work but ends up saying those exact words insulting Oska in front of hotel management and gets fired. He stomps off. Oska follows, trying to apologize.

Tae Ssun ignores him, instead picks up part-time work as a delivery guy, bringing goods from the port deep into the mountains, using a borrowed motorbike. Oska drives the high-end Harley he rents and the two of them end up in a remote restaurant in the middle of nowhere.

The trees are tall, and there’s little light penetrating their canopies. It’s not a surprise that the restaurant is empty.

Tae Ssun delivers the box to a mysterious woman, gets paid in cash, with a bonus of special floral wine in a tiny bottle.

Oska tries to charm the woman, who stares at him like she can see through his celebrity mask. Then she pats his cheek and gives him a bottle of liquor, too. Oska peers into the pink-purple liquid and sniffs the contents. It smells like flowers and oblivion.

Tae Ssun leaves Oska behind, just as his phone rings.

It’s Joo Won. “Why don’t you act like a professional for once in your life…” Oska gets harangued by his cousin to actually show up for the music video shoot.

But then Seul is the director—the only one willing to work with him at this point, and she’s only doing it to hurt him—and so by the time they finish, Oska just wants to get drunk. He finishes an entire bottle of wine, but he’s still thirsty. He drinks the floral wine, which tastes sweet and strong. This is the last thing he remembers that night.

And he wakes up in a dump.

"What am I doing here?" He asks out loud, then grabs his throat when his voice comes out weird. He stares down at his hands, which didn't have those stupid age spots that he feels so self-conscious about. He grabs for a mirror, sees Han Tae Ssun's face staring back at him, and screams, which gets the landlord pounding on his door, demanding that he leave as soon as possible. Oska grabs Tae Ssun's things, rummages through it for a cellphone, and calls himself.

Tae Ssun is still pinching himself in the mirror—and feeling weird about all these muscles—when the call comes through.

"Come and get me." The man using his voice says. "I don't even know where this is, so I can't call a taxi."

There's a knock on the door. It's Oska's cousin, who looks at him oddly when he covers his chest with a pillow. "Aren't you getting breakfast?"

"Uh," Tae Ssun as Oska replies. "Later. I have an errand to run."

Joo Won reminds him of the flight back to Seoul that afternoon. And Tae Ssun nods, even as he realizes he’s taking the same flight.

He asks for a car at the hotel's front desk, wincing when he's talking to the lady who fired him. She's so very obsequious now, which irritates him. He drives out to where he's staying, and watches in fascination as his body comes forward, drops his battered bag in the trunk, and slides into the car.

"This is all your fault," Oska says, using his lips.

Tae Ssun shakes off the weirdness and finds comfort in the banter. "Who would want to be in your old, washed up body?"

"Yah! I happen to be rich and famous, okay?" Oska retorts. "This must be some kind of scam."

Tae Ssun laughs humourlessly. "Well, since you figured it out, why don't you figure out the cure, too."

Oska falls silent, deep in thought.

“I’ll have to find one of those priests.” Oska mutters just as they reach the hotel. “Maybe it’s a curse from an anti-fan.”

Tae Ssun rolls his eyes, parking the car and getting out. He grabs his own bag from the trunk. Oska heads back to his room but has to wait for Tae Ssun to produce the room key. They both walk inside and sit awkwardly on the unmade bed.

"Look this isn't really happening. Maybe it's just a hallucination. Maybe we're still dreaming," Oska blurts out in desperation.

That's what Tae Ssun was thinking, but he doesn't want to agree with the other man, so he keeps quiet.

"I mean, I got drunk last night, so this is probably the alcohol speaking," Oska continues to rant. He grabs a small bottle on the bedside. "I was drinking...this!"

Tae Ssun bites his lip—or Oska's lip... God this is confusing. "I drank mine last night too."

They look at each other. "You still have the keys to the car, right? Let's go." Oska stands, and then abruptly holds up a hand. "Wait. I need to pee."

Tae Ssun blushes at the thought. "I'll wait in the car," he stutters and leaves the room almost at a run.

Oska's eyebrows rise, and a smile starts to form on his borrowed face. Well. Maybe this switch thing has its perks if it means he can mess with the kid.

He walks into the bathroom, gives himself an exaggerated wink, murmuring, "Well hello there, handsome."

Then he unzips his pants and grabs another man's dick, and he pees, while his own cheeks warm. This is just... weird. He washes his hands and tries not to look at the mirror on his way out.

—

They are convinced that they have figured it out, but when they reach the same spot, there's nothing there. No restaurant, no mysterious woman, and no switchy magic liquor. Oska groans from the driver's seat, head buried in his arms. "I knew this was too easy."

Tae Ssun's stomach sinks, but he doesn't say a word. He thinks of his life. He's been running out of money, and this little trip was not as successful as he'd thought, so he was thinking of traveling somewhere a little cheaper. He hasn't written a song in months and had even sold off his piano to punish himself. It's a horrible life, lonely and cold and desperate. But it's _his_ life.

"What do we do now?" He asks softly.

Oska wants to lash out at the world, but instead he sits up straight. "Oh! There's something we haven't tried yet."

—

A kiss?

Tae Ssun can't meet his own eyes. "Do you really think that'll work?"

Oska shrugs. "That's how fairy tale spells end, right?"

Tae Ssun doesn't disagree, but he doesn't make a move either. But Oska makes an impatient noise, and grabs him by the collar, planting a solid kiss on his lips. Tae Ssun's eyes close automatically, but when he opens them, nothing has changed.

"Well, there's that." Oska sighs.

"We should get back, or you'll miss your flight," Tae Ssun murmurs, for lack of anything to say. He wants to touch his lips but stops himself.

Oska groans dramatically. "I don't have time for this. I have an album to put out. I have a concert to prepare for!"

Tae Ssun goes pale.

—

They're on the same flight, but Tae Ssun's ticket is for the cramped economy class, and Oska can't even beg him to switch, as he has an image as a Hallyu star to protect. The brat's long legs feel cramped and he gets a crick in his neck and a headache from the noisy kid in the next row and he just wants to go to sleep and have all this be some nightmare...

He's not sure what to do next. He wishes he can tell his cousin everything. Kim Joo Won is the kinda guy who always knows what to do next. But he's also the kinda guy who doesn't believe in anybody but himself, and Oska imagines his cousin committing him to an institution if he claims he switched bodies with some pretty boy singer almost half his age. No thanks.

Before they went their separate ways, he tells the kid using his body one thing, though. "You're moving in with me. I mean, I'm moving in with me. So wait for me at the airport, alright?"

"I have to talk to my landlady," Tae Ssun protests. "I need to get my deposit back."

"You can give me directions," Oska says. "You can grab the rest of your stuff then." 

When he does drive to the address Tae Ssun gives him, he squints at the place. "What a rathole."

"Shut up," Tae Ssun retorts. "Come on! You need to be the one to talk to her."

Right. Oska gets out of his car and makes sure to lock the door. "Wait, what'll I tell her?"

"Just say you're staying with a friend and you need the deposit back. I can grab my things."

But when Oska trots out that speech at the landlady, she beams at him. "Is he your new boyfriend?"

Oska blinks. "Uh."

"No!" Tae Ssun practically shouts from inside the room. He appears in the doorway, face flushed. "He, um, I mean I'm just a friend of his, ma'am."

"Alright," the lady says, but winks at Oska. "I'll get the money. Just wait here, sweetie."

Oska scratches his head. Tae Ssun can't meet his eyes, but packs everything efficiently. All his belongings seem to fit in one suitcase.

"That's it?" Oska asks.

"Yeah. Give me the keys. I'll just put it in the car." Tae Ssun holds out a hand.

Oska peers into the room. Everything looks clean at least, even though it's about the size of his bathroom at home. He's dated some not-so-rich girls, of course. But none of them had ever lived so humbly.

He gives the landlady a large smile when she hands him an envelope. She leans towards him and whispers in his ear. "He looks shy, but I think he likes you a lot."

Oska laughs nervously and leaves without saying another word. What was all that about?

—

Tae Ssun is nervous as he looks around the palace-like place. "What do I tell them?" He asks when he sees the ahjummas in the kitchen.

"What?" Oska asks. "Oh, don't worry about it. I bring home unexpected guests all the time, so there's always a lot of food in the house. If you want any special food, tell them it's your guest's special request."

Oska grabs his things, and places them in a room, before leading Tae Ssun into the bedroom beside it. "You stay in my room. I'll be close by. Problem solved."

The room is open and yet cozy, with dim lights around the headboard and a thick, luxurious blanket over the large bed. Tae Ssun grits his teeth. "Really? You're the one with the full schedule."

"So?" Oska spreads his arms. "You just need to pretend to be me."

Tae Ssun rubs at his throbbing temples. "I can't do that." He remembers singing in the streets with an open guitar case in front of him, and people in the crowd requesting covers of Oska's songs. "I _won't_ do that."

Oska raises an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Fine. Do whatever you want. I'll just go out and take this baby for a test drive." He runs a hand down his chest, an obscene gesture that has Tae Ssun blushing.

"Don't. You. Dare."

Oska grins at him. "Why? I should take advantage of all these youthful hormones while I have the chance."

Tae Ssun crosses his arms, but he sighs in defeat. "What do I have to do?"

Oska ruffles his hair. "Give me my phone. I have to talk to my manager first."

—

Oska's manager and his assistant are confused when Oska in Tae Ssun's body presents himself as his student. "Do you have time for this? Your concert's soon," his manager tells an increasingly nervous Tae Ssun.

He opens his mouth, not knowing what he'll say, but just then, Oska clicks on the track in the computer, and he hears the opening chords of the song.

"That's my song!" He says.

"Yes," the manager says, looking at him oddly. "It's the first track in your new album. You need to practice it for the talk show you're doing in a week. They're very strict about lip syncing so you have to do it well."

Tae Ssun shakes his head. "No!" He catches Oska's eyes and glares at him. "This isn't original. I've heard it before."

"What?"

Tae Ssun knows exactly where to look, so he pulls up his own song online for them to listen to. Oska's title track was plagiarized. From Tae Ssun.

"I'm going to make sure she never works in this business again," Oska's manager was muttering as he made calls on his phone, hurrying out the door. "We'll have to push back the album. And double-check all her other songs."

After they leave, Oska scratches his head. "How did you know? That song isn't well-known." The site's hit counter was a few thousands though it's been a couple of years since the song was uploaded.

"I know because I wrote it," Tae Ssun says.

Oska's eyes widen. "Oh."

—

They could have done damage control, except that Tae Ssun gets dragged into meeting with Songwriter Kwon and Oska invites himself along, and _she_ recognizes him, just as Tae Ssun recognizes her as an old groupie following him around in London. Her defenses go up, and even though she's cornered, she threatens to tell everyone that Oska plagiarized the song himself.

Oska's manager looks at Tae Ssun expectantly, as if expecting him to lose his temper. But Oska in Tae Ssun's body is the one who reacts. "Why would anyone believe a talentless hack like you?"

She throws a coffee mug at the far wall and yells back at Tae Ssun's body. "Yeah? Well you're a fag!"

Tae Ssun's fists are clenched so hard, his nails must be digging into his palm. He feels lightheaded, expecting an expression of disgust to appear in the other's faces around him.

But Oska just crosses his arms across his chest. "Still prettier than you."

When she grabs for something else to throw in Oska's direction, Tae Ssun steps in the way and gets beaned by a stapler.

Someone calls the police and Songwriter Kwon gets arrested.

Tae Ssun has to endure Oska’s fussing, which is kinda nice until Oska says, “Don’t ever do that again. My body is precious, so make sure I don’t get scarred anywhere.”

The arrest gets in the tabloids, and along with the plagiarism issue, causes a big enough stink that the concert and album get shelved.

Tae Ssun wants to apologize, knowing how much money Oska just lost. But the older man just waves it away. "I've been wanting a vacation, anyway. Besides, I don't think I want you singing in my place after all. You might be so much better than me, that you'll steal my spotlight. My pride can't take it." He smirks at Tae Ssun, who recognizes it as a joke.

He expects Oska to bring up the gay thing, but he doesn't. And Tae Ssun can't say it out loud. Not to this man.

—

It feels like moments in limbo.

They both have no obligations to fulfill. Tae Ssun gets a taste of the life of a chaebol, and Oska sticks by his side, dragging him to restaurants and shops. He buys super expensive suits for Tae Ssun’s body, and Tae Ssun can’t even complain, because it’s not his money. Some days, he can’t recognize himself. It’s not just the clothes; the way Oska moves his limbs, the words that Oska speaks… these tiny details all add up.

And what about the body he’s borrowing? He wears Oska’s clothes, uses Oska’s bed, showers with Oska’s shampoo… And falls asleep with Oska’s scent all around him.

He has… disturbing dreams. Dreams that leave him half-hard and frustrated and ashamed. He refuses to touch Oska’s body any more than necessary. But desire has never been something he could completely control. Otherwise, he’d never have chosen this path.

—

The ahjummas in the house like to gossip. The house is big, but there’s enough of them that the work isn’t that hard. Anyway, they’re lucky. _This_ master is easy to please. The one in the other house is all high standards and bad temper and rules, rules, rules. So they all pitch in while they’re making dinner and they talk in low voices.

“I’ve seen a lot of beautiful women in this house, but it’s the first time a man came.”

“And Master Woo Young spends all that money on him! Still, they’re staying in separate bedrooms.”

“Yes, but their rooms are side by side. He’s probably being discreet.”

“They play music together some nights. Really good music. I think they’re a good match.”

“Hmph. The mistress will not like it.”

“At least he’s pretty. But he’s actually like a young version of Master Woo Young. He acts like a giant puppy.”

“Do you see how the master acts around him? He’s never been like that before. It’s true love, I tell you.”

Tae Ssun overhears this when he tries to sneak into the kitchen for a snack. He tiptoes away, his ears red.

Of course it isn’t true. The ahjummas don’t understand their situation.

—

This period of no obligation ends. Oska tells Tae Ssun he has to attend a family dinner to celebrate his grandfather’s birthday.

“I can’t,” Tae Ssun says. He can’t help but meet Oska’s cousin, who just lives next door, and that’s bad enough—Kim Joo Won is not happy about the album and concert, and keeps insulting him, then looking at him oddly when he can’t react like Oska. There’s no way he can fool Oska’s mother and other family members. “Can’t I just make an excuse?”

“As long as you’re still breathing, there’s no excuse,” Oska tells him. “If I don’t show up, my mother will kill me. And my cousins will kill me, too, because without me there to distract grandfather, he’ll have to focus on them.”

Tae Ssun shakes his head. “Your family is weird.”

“They’re not weird. They’re crazy.”

“I can’t do it, Oska,” Tae Ssun repeats. He’s close to begging. He hasn’t seen his own family in years. He doesn’t think he can survive a night with the fancy, _crazy_ chaebols.

Oska rubs his chin. “Maybe you can take me as your date.”

Tae Ssun’s jaw drops. “That’s…”

Oska smirks at him. “It’s perfect! It will drive grandfather batty, which will drive mother batty, and everybody will be focused on me, so they won’t notice you at all!”

Except they will be focused on Han Tae Ssun’s _body_. “If your parents have me killed, I’m taking you down with me.”

Oska laughs. It is NOT a joke.

—

Oska peppers him with last-minute advice. “Just be cool. Don’t let them see you sweat.”

“Be arrogant, you mean,” Tae Ssun retorts.

Oska squeezes his shoulder. “That’s the spirit.”

Tae Ssun is wearing some black-tie thing. He submits to Oska’s ministrations, because he’s never worn anything this fancy. Oska’s hands deftly fix his tie for him. It fits perfectly, but it still chokes his throat.

Oska’s in a similar outfit, but his is dark blue with a bright gold tie. “Because they’ll accuse you of being a gold-digger. Get it?”

“Is that supposed to be funny?” Tae Ssun asks under his breath.

“Relax,” Oska says, patting his cheek. “Just focus on enjoying the food.”

Tae Ssun takes a deep breath. At least all the trips to fancy restaurants has paid off, and he will know which utensils to use. He can do this.

Except he really doesn’t have a clue how fucking batshit crazy Oska’s family is.

He meets Oska’s cousin first, and the guy zeroes in on the way Oska’s hanging off his arm. Oska’s made himself scarce every time the guy comes over, so he clears his throat and introduces them.

“This is Han Tae Ssun, my date for tonight.” He wishes he had given a fake name. “Tae Ssun, this is my cousin Kim Joo Won.”

Oska’s cousin ignores this completely, and sighs as if he’s getting a headache. “What are you up to now?”

Tae Ssun swallows. “I beg your pardon?”

He doesn’t know what to say next, but thankfully, Oska’s mother and aunt arrive, with a tall, elegant lady in tow.

The lady meets his eyes coolly, but there’s something under it, something dark and angry. Tae Ssun feels Oska’s grip on his arm tighten.

Tae Ssun gives the two elder ladies a perfunctory air kiss, and nods at the lady.

Joo Won raises an eyebrow. “No need for introductions, of course. Seul was the director in charge of Woo Young’s MV, and incidentally, my blind date. It’s a small world, isn’t it?”

The lady—Seul—gives him a smug smile.

“And who is this?” Oska’s mother interrupts, giving Oska a look that borders on rude. “Did you bring one of your celebrity friends, darling?” She utters the word ‘celebrity’ like it’s a dirty word.

There’s a tension in the air that isn’t there before, like the room just became a minefield, and Tae Ssun feels like he’ll step on some hidden tripwire at any second. He clears his throat again and tries for a light tone. “Oh, he’s just some guy I picked up from the street. I felt sorry for him.” It feels enough like the truth that the words flow naturally from his mouth.

Oska’s mother makes a noncommittal sound, immediately dismissing this as another of his son’s eccentricities. “I haven’t been reading about your latest conquest, so you must be feeling lonely. Shall I introduce you to some decent girls, darling? It’s about time to settle down, surely?”

Oska, torn between a desire to wipe that smile off Seul’s face, and a desire to stop his mother from going down this path, blurts out in a too-loud voice, “I’m his boyfriend,” just as Oska’s grandfather enters the room.

Everybody stops breathing for one moment. And Tae Ssun feels the blood rush to his face.

_Somebody kill me now. Please!_

And then the moment passes.

Everybody turns towards the dining room, ignoring the words as if they’ve never been spoken.

Tae Ssun doesn’t want to follow, but Oska hasn’t let go of him. “What’s that about?” He growls.

“Trust me,” Oska whispers back. Of course, Tae Ssun can’t do that. But Oska just smiles, batting his eyes. “Your pretty body is useful after all.”

Tae Ssun’s eyes narrow. “What exactly are you trying to do?”

Oska kisses his cheek noisily. “Relax, honey. Now you get to be _person non grata_ all night.”

Tae Ssun hates to admit it, but Oska’s prediction is spot on. Nobody looks at him all night, with the sole exception of that Seul lady, whose gaze is piercing and whose face is pinched.

But she’s supposed to be Oska’s cousin’s date, right?

—

Joo Won leaves the puzzle of his incorrigible cousin alone for the night.

His grandfather and his new wife carries the conversation, and his mother and Seul say all the right words. It’s tiring sometimes, all this fake veneer. But it’s something he’s been born to.

He doesn’t talk to Seul. He trusts his mother to pick the appropriate wife for him.

He’s too busy with work these days. And getting that infuriating stuntwoman Gil Ra Im out of his head…

—

The ride home is silent, but when they reach their respective bedroom doors, Tae Ssun grabs Oska’s wrist. “Why would you lie like that to your family? Don’t you care what they’ll think of you? What if they cut ties with you?”

Oska looks at him, his expression softening. “Is that what happened to you, Ssun?”

Tae Ssun takes a step back, unable to answer.

Oska holds up his hands. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” He shakes his head. “Look, don’t worry about my family. We’re the definition of dysfunctional and there’s nothing you can do to make it worse.”

Tae Ssun doesn’t believe it. “So you declaring yourself gay is nothing?”

Oska raises an eyebrow, murmuring, “Bisexual surely.” 

Ssun crosses his arms, not accepting that glib answer. 

“Let’s just say that after declaring at eighteen that instead of going to some ivy league school to study business, I would rather sing and dance in front of a crowd of people, my grandfather has already written me off as a useless show dog. Only my mother persists in the delusion that I would wake up one day and realize I want to fight my cousin for the throne, even though it involves massive paperwork and being surrounded by suits bowing and scraping while they hide their knives behind their back.” Oska breathes, surprised at the bitterness flavoring his words. “At least anti-fans tell you exactly how they feel about you.”

Tae Ssun is careful in choosing his next words. “I would have thought celebrities would encounter their share of liars and backstabbers.” He doesn’t need to remind the other man of the songwriter who fucked them both over. 

Oska laughs mirthlessly, covering his eyes with his hands. “You’re right. And there’s no bigger liars than celebrities themselves, unless you count politicians. I’m so used to wearing a mask, I’ve forgotten what’s behind it.”

They were talking about his family but this is new territory and Oska’s not sure how to navigate through. 

But Tae Ssun gives him a reprieve. “I’m sorry I brought it up. It’s not really my business after all. You should go to sleep.” He clasps Oska on the shoulder and squeezes. 

Oska chalks it up to a moment of weakness. He steps into Tae Ssun’s space and lets his head fall on his own body’s shoulder. It feels strangely comforting. For a second, he feels Tae Ssun wrap his arms around him and hold him close. Then the other man leads him to his room. 

“Goodnight,” Tae Ssun mumurs in a husky voice before turning away. 

Oska watches him go. It’s strange how right it feels to have him here. Oska has lived the last decade on the knife edge of soul-sucking loneliness—which he covers up with his conquests—but that familiar darkness that keeps threatening to swallow him whole has been absent in the last few weeks. 

He places a hand on his own pounding heart. A thought forms in his head, distant and vague.

_Can I keep you?_

—

Tae Ssun scrolls through his phone. He is tempted to write down everything that has happened to him but nobody would believe him anyway. On a whim, he types “why do people switch bodies?” 

He ignores the description of virtual reality devices and hallucinations. In stories, the people switch back when they’ve “walked in each other’s shoes.” 

He frowns. How can he and Oska do more than what they’ve already been doing? He imagines having to perform as Oska. No fucking way. Sure it would be great to have an audience that big, but if they weren’t there for _him_ then what’s the point? If he’s not singing his own songs, with his own voice, then he shouldn’t be singing at all.

He bites his lip. But what if it wasn’t about _him_? What if Oska needed to experience _his_ life? 

Tae Ssun has lived on his own for the past seven years. He’s done most jobs that didn’t require a diploma, from hauling bricks at a construction site, to cleaning toilets in buildings after hours. What little free time he could carve out, he spent teaching himself music. He lived on other people’s charity without shame. He sang on the streets until he went hoarse, sold his songs to whoever could pay him the most money, picked up menial jobs at bars mopping up vomit so he could get close enough to listen to musicians.

He thinks of his pride as a singer… Oh, he could laugh at his own hypocrisy! He knows how easy it is to throw that pride away. Come close enough to starving, and selling your soul--much less your body--was nothing. 

He closes his eyes. Even knowing what he does about Oska, he still thinks the older man spent his entire life in his golden castle. A prince handed everything he could ever want. He would never survive in his shoes. It would be an absurd and impossible task.

Just like this body-swap is absurd and impossible.

He throws his phone against the wall. It shatters. But the satisfaction the moment brings disappears quickly. Tae Ssun feels the frustration bubble up inside him like a boiling kettle. He gets up without thinking, ignoring the mess on the floor, and walks out of the bedroom into the room Oska is staying in.

But whatever words he has inside him vanishes at the sight of his own naked body lying in bed.

Oska is touching himself.

It is strange. Even after weeks of living in someone else’s body, it feels like a blow to the gut. Tae Ssun wants to run away, but his feet are fixed on the floor. He has never seen himself like this, legs open, head thrown back, pulse almost visible on his neck. His fingers are wrapped around his hard dick, and the tip is leaking. His face is slack with pleasure, his lips open and gleaming wet.

Tae Ssun swallows, and his hands curl into fists.

Oska’s eyes open when he hears the door, but he doesn’t stop. After what he has said to his family, he feels reckless all of a sudden. So he meets his own eyes. The dick in his fist grows harder. 

But it’s not enough. A guttural sound emerges from his throat. “Come here,” he orders the man standing by the door. 

He’s like a mirage, a ghost wearing how own face. Oska’s past thinking though. He closes his eyes instead. And begs. “Please touch me. Please.”

Tae Ssun hears his own voice and it goes straight through his nerve endings, as if they are one body. He shivers and steps forward, without conscious thought. He wrenches Oska’s hand from his dick and covers the other man’s body with his own. 

They kiss, teeth clacking together, tongues battling. Their nails dig into each other’s flesh. _It tastes like desperation,_ Tae Ssun thinks, but he can’t tell if it’s his or Oska’s.

Oska undresses him until there is nothing between their bodies. And they move against each other, rutting like beasts, all the while breathing in the other’s breath, like they’re trying to drown in each other. 

Oska comes first, and throws his head back as he groans. Tae Ssun bites into that neck, grinding down into the other man’s hip. When lightning strikes him, it is more intense than anything he’s ever felt before. He collapses on the bed, heart pounding too hard in his chest. He feels boneless, and barely feels the wet cloth dragging over his body. 

Oska wraps his arms around him, and Tae Ssun is too tired to pull away. Sleep claims him between one breath and the next.

—

Oska knows it right away. There’s a rightness in his bones, a familiar ache is his muscles. He blinks his eyes open and looks up at the ceiling. He laughs, and his own voice echoes in the room.

He sits up, and sees himself in the mirror across the room. He’s back in his own body, and he laughs again, loud and long. 

But the space beside him is empty, the spot cold.

He doesn’t need to look in the closet but he does anyway, like a man running his tongue over a loose tooth. The suits he bought to fit Tae Ssun’s body hang in the closet. Everything else is gone.

He calls Tae Ssun, but the number does not go through. And in the other man’s room, he finds the discarded pieces of a broken cellphone.

Oska laughs again. But it’s a mirthless sound that reverberates through his empty house.

—

Life goes on. 

That may be the strangest thing. Life goes on as if the impossible never happened, and Oska sings in front of the crowd for his next concert, and he lets his body go through the motions, dancing the steps, his lips curved in a rictus of a smile. He looks into the sea of people and sees nothing. 

His album drops, and the sales aren’t as good as the projections, but he’s too tired to care. 

His cousin gets dumped for the last time by Gil Ra Im—no surprise there—and takes it out on his hide, but Oska just lets the insults slide past him. He ignores Joo Won’s stares of concern. 

He dates someone new, an aspiring actress who didn’t mind the notoriety. Their faces get splashed on tabloids. He takes her everywhere. But not to the next dinner with his family, which he attends alone. Seul isn’t there. And nobody mentions the last date he brought home. 

While eating, he meets Joo Won’s eyes across the table. For a second, they are as miserable as his own. Then Joo Won puts his mask back on. Oska does the same. 

Life goes on and on and on. 

Until Oska wakes up the next morning without his voice. Every time he opens his mouth, it feels like he is choking, his throat constricting.

He cancels the talk show he’s scheduled to attend that afternoon. And locks himself in his room—the room he had used before—and he screams soundlessly into the pillow. It no longer smell like Tae Ssun. 

The next day, he texts his manager that he is retiring. As soon as he commits to that decision, his voice comes back. It is as if his body knows better than his brain.

His mother visits him a few days later. “I’m glad you’re finally ready to face your responsibilities, darling,” she says to him. “I’m sure your grandfather can find you a good position in the company.”

Oska takes a deep breath. “I would rather die.” His voice is flat, his enunciation precise. “I’m sorry, mother.”

He breaks up with his girlfriend. She slaps him, and he smiles. Deja vu. 

The future unrolls in front of him, empty and lonely and uncertain. But it’s a relief, too.

—

The lady in the mountain likes to meddle. Humans were interesting. And here were two boys, both thinking the worst of each other, but not realizing how similar they were. How they were both damaged, and both cowards when it came to love. 

The lady fills the tiny liquor bottle to the brim, and frowns. Her magic usually works, but there’s only so much it can do in the face of such stubborn people. Was there another way?

—

Oska stumbles on the ground, barely catching himself on a lamp post. He doesn’t know where he is, but there are lights in his eyes. He feels unbalanced, not helped by the strap across his chest and the guitar case on his back. He touches the strap with his fingers, and that’s when he realizes he is back in Tae Ssun’s body.

His center of gravity is wrong, his limbs too thin, and there’s a gnawing hunger in his belly. He looks up at the moon, barely visible in the night sky above the cityscape laid out before him. 

He’s seen it before, though he couldn’t quite place it. The cars are on the wrong side of the road. He narrows his eyes at the signs glowing above his head. Some are in English, but the majority is in a familiar script. He turns around. The sign above the doorway is small, and he feels like he had just walked through it.

A passing train rings loud in his ear, and Oska is jolted back to his own body. He is in bed, dreaming.

He could have chalked it up to the way dreams take memories and cut it with wishful thinking. But Oska ignores his own doubts and books a flight to Narita Airport.

—

He had never been here before. Maybe that’s why Tae Ssun chose Japan as his destination. He wanted to lose himself in a crowd. He wanted to forget _that night_ and everything else that came before it.

But Tokyo is an expensive city. And his grasp of the spoken language is rudimentary, and the written language non-existent. He stays with a friend of a friend for a week, then travels to the countryside to find work. The money he earns there is good enough to find a rental in the city, though he shares it with two other people, all foreigners like himself. He gets a day shift in a convenience store, and he finds a gig in some sleazy bar, singing songs in Japanese and English.

It’s a hand-to-mouth existence, something he’s intimately familiar with. If it feels harder to go back to this lifestyle, he just grits his teeth and soldiers on. He shouldn’t have gotten comfortable in Oska’s house, being waited on hand and foot. He didn’t belong there, and he never would.

But then again, Tae Ssun is used to not belonging anywhere. 

His days and nights are long, and Tae Ssun often falls asleep as soon as he hits the futon. He never remembers his dreams. But this morning he wakes up feeling an emptiness in his chest. He tries to shake it off under the pounding water of his morning shower, but the feeling dogs him. He catches sight of his face in the mirror, but looks away. Seeing himself was as stark a reminder as he had of _that night. ___

__He thinks of finding a club that caters to his tastes, of finding a warm body to overwrite Oska’s touch on his flesh. But he doesn’t do it. He can’t._ _

__He arrives at the bar early, changing into dark clothes and trying to tune the secondhand guitar that he uses for his set. He misses his keyboard, preferring that instrument, but he couldn’t afford even the secondhand ones in the music stores._ _

__The crowd tonight is sparse. It’s just like those bars in Seoul. Nobody’s really listening. But it’s better than nothing._ _

__He strums, fingers flying over the strings following the progression of chords. The music washes over him like a cool wave. And he lets it sweep him away from all this. A feeling almost like peace grows within him._ _

__But sometime after his fourth song, a man walks into the bar and interrupts his meditative state. Even in the dim lights, Tae Ssun recognizes Oska by the way he moves. Ssun’s heart skips a beat, and his fingers follow, and a discordant note breaks the flow of people’s conversations. It draws eyes from the patrons towards the stage. But he only feels Oska’s eyes on him, heavy and intense._ _

__Oska stalks straight to the stage, tugs the guitar strap over his head and drops it carelessly on the ground with a loud bang. Then he drags him upward into a kiss, deep and possessive._ _

__Tae Ssun just takes it, eyes closed, hands limp at his sides. He blames the shock of seeing the other man here and now. By the time Oska lets go, he is short of breath, and his ears are filled with the sound of his own heart’s pounding._ _

__The manager tries to catch his eyes, but when Oska grabs his wrist and drags him to the door, Tae Ssun lets him. There is a dark car waiting outside the bar, and Oska leads him in, tucking his head under. As soon as the car doors close, Oska’s hands are all over him, his mouth presses onto Tae Ssun’s._ _

__“Where?” Tae Ssun manages to get out in between kisses._ _

__“My hotel room,” Oska answers._ _

__No other words are spoken that night. Instead, Oska and Tae Ssun communes body to body._ _

__Tae Ssun covers his eyes with an arm as he lets the other man open him up with trembling fingers. Oska fills him up and fucks him in short, hard strokes, until he falls apart almost sobbing. Distantly, he feels Oska following him into completion._ _

__—_ _

__Morning dawns. Oska half expects them to switch back, and sighs in relief when it doesn’t happen. They are spooned together on his hotel bed, fingers intertwined. He looks down at Tae Ssun’s sleeping face, marveling at his long eyelashes, and his swollen lips. He’s such a beautiful man, almost ethereal in the pale morning light._ _

__Those lashes flutter. And Tae Ssun lets out a deep breath. “How did you find me?”_ _

__Oska leans forward to nibble at an earlobe, and whispers. “I dreamed as you. Maybe the universe is telling us something.”_ _

__“That we’re cursed, you mean?” Tae Ssun retorts._ _

__Oska presses a kiss under Ssun’s ear. “Just stay by my side, Han Tae Ssun. Don’t worry about anything else.”_ _

__“You’ll get tired of me.” Tae Ssun speaks as if in confession, his voice hoarse. He’s always been a master at leaving before he gets thrown out. But if he’s not careful, he could get addicted to this, to Oska’s presence, to his desire._ _

__Oska huffs a laugh. “I’m the one who’s high maintenance.”_ _

__Tae Ssun turns over to face the older man. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”_ _

__“I won’t,” Oska says, although it feels like another promise._ _

__Tae Ssun bites his lip, heart in his throat. “I like you.” The words feel inadequate, after everything that has happened between them._ _

__“I like you, too.” Oska kisses his forehead, beaming at him. Then he runs his hands all over Tae Ssun’s flesh. “I missed this body.”_ _

__“It’s _my_ body,” Tae Ssun retorts._ _

__“Yeah? Well maybe I should stamp my name on it. Since it’s mine now,” Oska answers. His hands are possessive, dragging the other man closer to him. He whispers, “Don’t run away again.”_ _

__“Or what?” Ssun asks even as he leans his forehead on Oska’s collarbone._ _

__“Or next time I’ll handcuff you to the bed.” Oska’s hands slide down to hold Ssun’s wrists._ _

__Ssun’s breath hitches. And Oska smirks._ _

__

__END_ _

**Author's Note:**

> This exorcism of a plot bunny ghost has been brought to you by milk tea, as I wrote huge chunks of this on the wrong side of midnight as a result of the evils of caffeine.


End file.
